Welcome to Many Steps Sideways! Join me on my sideways journey through life, discovering who I am whilst trying to get into the job market.
Expect nothing and everything. This is a trip into the unknown.
Warning: May include rambling, photos, and a variety of other miscellanea.
Exhausted. I have work for the next two days. On Bank Holidays. When I would rather be shopping myself and not serving people. Alas.
Tomorrow is also the last Bench Monday of the year. Yikes. No clue what to do but it will require the coffee table, a pair of red shoes, and some black and white striped socks. Or something. Depending on the weather it will be outside. We can figure that out tomorrow.
I also need to decide for certain what photo project to participate in next year. Maybe a Photo a Day project of some description; but not self-portraits.
Have You Ever Had An Experience That Inspired Beleif?
I'm sure really as I am not someone who believes in many existential ideas. If we move beyond such ideas, then there are things that inspire belief. Like the magic of watching the stars, of laying there with someone close watching the universe. That inspires belief in our place in the universe as something very small and inimportant in a bigger world.
I don't believe in God, or in any higher power for that matter. Maybe there is something there but I would want proof before I could commit to any beleif in it.
I would love to be able to hold that kind of belief in an idea but I think that growing older discounts our ability to believe. Take Father Christmas for example. I adore the idea behind the 'Santa Myth.' I love the childhood joy it brings with it. The sneaking around to make Children believe. Because I think it is important for them to have something like that.
So no, I have not has an experience that has inspired belief in something magical in such regards.
List Some Of Your Most Closely-Held Beliefs
A good cup of tea can make you feel better.
Love is really important.
We will never understand everything; the universe is so much bigger than we can comprehend.
“I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.”
This was Pip and my first Christmas together without spending it at our respective families. Traditions that I think we will encourage to continue from today:
* Pip's German tradition of Currywerst and mulled wine for Christmas eve dinner
* Watching Christmas films late into Christmas Eve
* Drinking milk and cookies (oh, OK, we had Jaffa Cakes) as I am to old to legitimately leave them out for Santa!
* One present on Christmas Eve
* Opening stockings tucked up in bed with a good cup of coffee
* After dinner nap (although I think this one stands as every-bodies post dinner tradition!)
* Having handmade decorations 'Elf style'
Whilst we have done OK today, I definitely missed being at home with my family. First year ever not spent with them and without them it felt very different and much less festive. Not sure if that has something to do with not having a small child around though?
I work on a customer service desk and you have to, as much as possible, be charming. Understanding and a smile (and an apology) ease complaints, ease anger about being unable to help, about not being able to satisfy.* With it being Christmas this is SO important, especially when the sale begins and customers go crazy demanding reductions or attention. I can come across as uncharming for certain, especially when run off my feet trying to help everyone as quickly as possible, but a smile seems to help keep things under control. That, or a manager and 2 more hands.
*Sometimes. Occasionally nothing will help and you can do nothing.
Listen to your inner child. What does she want to do today?
* Play in the snow!
* Bake Christmas Cookies for the tree.
*Read a good book.
* Play in the snow some more.
* Come up with ideas for Christmas tree baubles.
My inner child is obviously going to be satisfied today as these are all things I plan to do. As soon as/whilst sending of a job application. The application is mostly done, I just need to finish the cover letter and hit send. Email is both a godsend and a hellish nightmare whilst looking for work. I am too paranoid for my own good. So today, whilst I work on my courage, I will go play in the large amounts of snow (for Canterbury anyways) and bake some cookies! :D
What is the most surprising gift you've ever gotten? The quilt my mum made me for my 23rd birthday! Completely unexpected and absolutely amazing! :D
Create a small "My Favorite Things" basket to give a friend. Well, I can't really afford to do this but I will make one up here: - Snow Fairy shower gel - A set of Sharpies - A set of coloured pencils - Moo stickers - Hotel Chocolat chocolates - Vanilla Dee-Lite Lush body lotion - Molskeine notebook - Bunting - Doodle notepad What have you been holding back that you could give more of? ?
What bad things would happen if you stopped making excuses and tackled something today?
Would you do it wrong?
Would you fail to meet expectations?
Would you have to do even better next time?
I am putting off a number of things right now. Complaining to the bank, working on my CV, working on my PHD proposal. Nothing bad would happen if I decided to do any one of these things today, except that I am not prepared to do them. Well actually, I wrote a cover letter for a job I want so I guess I did something today. And I cleaned the bathroom, kitchen, bedroom etc. All things that needed doing but not the thing I am dreading doing and completely putting off. A.K.A the PHD proposal.
I think the reason that I am putting it off is because I am so uncertain that I even want to do it. If anything I am leaning towards not doing it right now. But then I worry as then I may never do it, may never be able to afford to do so as tuition fees rise. If I tackled it today I would be unprepared. I am awaiting a response on a couple of questions from my professor but I could start. I tried reading my dissertation that I want to use as a starting point, but I am not enjoying doing so. Which means I won't enjoy writing a proposal, won't do well at it, won't get accepted for it.
See my fantastic self-doubt here. That leads to procrastination. If it won't be perfect, why do it?
Would it be wrong? No, I doubt it, but it would not be great at all. Would I fail to meet expectations? Mine almost certainly. Having gained a MA with distinction, having burned myself out doing so, I don't know I have the kind of brain power left to do it all again for another three years, after the hours spent doing a proposal. Would it have the be better? Yes, much better. But I don't know I can do better. A part of me thinks that this is as far as I am going to get with academics and it is time to let it go and get on with other parts of my life. I can have a good life, no, a great life, without the PHD. I just have to embrace it, find it, and continue to do great things in a multitude of other ways.